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When you Should Ask Him Out

You know that Destiny’s Child song Independent Women?  All the women who are independent…  Yea, that one.  Well, that’s me.  Maybe that’s you too.  You’re an independent woman making her way in the dating world by putting yourself out there and into situations that just might be foreign to you.  It can be scary, but you’re learning and gaining confidence every day.

But one day, you wake up and realize that you’ve been crushing on who seems like a perfect fit.  He’s a good friend, or an acquaintance.  But if he was into you, he would have asked you out by now, right?

Wrong!  The rule that a woman must wait around for a date proposition is long dead.  These days, most guys welcome the reprieve of a self-assured woman.  Of course, finding the courage to ask for a  date isn’t easy.  You’re human and afraid of rejection.  How about you look at it this way: You have nothing to lose but a good man.

Traditionalists may find this proactive suggestion uncouth, concerned that a woman will be sending a message that she is too aggressive.  But why would you want to pass up an opportunity for a great relationship?  Shake things up instead of waiting around!  Reflect on the following clues that indicate maybe it’s time for you to do the asking…

  1. He’s shy.
    The shy guy requires a little luring out of their shells, as they tend to wait in the wings for discovery.  If you’re into a shy guy, take note that you will have to ask him out (unless you’re ok with waiting around for him to muster up the courage).  Put your outgoing personality to good use.  Mr. Bashful will be grateful that you made the first move.
  2. 2.       He’s your sidekick.
    You’re already friends.  You hang out, go on errands, laugh together and share inside jokes.  The problem is that he doesn’t know how to take it to the next level.  While he’s obviously enjoying your company, he probably just can’t get up his nerve to ask you out romantically.  Instead, you do the asking and see how he handles your spunk.  If he tries to clarify the details and what the date may insinuate, then perhaps he is just buddy material.  But if he energetically accepts with no questions asked, certainly he is sighing with relief behind the broad grin. 
  3. His body language speaks for itself.
    With a smooth hand touch, a door courteously opened with his hand on your lower back, dramatic eye contact or a lingering hug, he is telling you that he likes you without saying a word.  Does his face light up when he sees you?  Is he thoughtful and chivalrous?  His body language is perhaps saying the things he cannot articulate.  In fairness, he could just be a gentleman, but those little clues can also indicate an affection for his leading lady – YOU!  Why not take the wheel and put your romantic relationship in gear?
  4. He keeps the momentum.
    With so many distractions with work and family, pets and personal time, it can be easy to lose interest of just lose touch with people.  But, if he returns emails and calls when promised, then that’s a refreshing sign he is in it to win it.  Consistency and reliability are a big deal and indicate definite interest.
  5. He remembers the details.
    You mentioned once that you loved strawberry flavored Jolly Rancher candy, that you eat Lucky Charms for dinner or that you’ve hunted rainbows since you were 12.  He references your conversations later, confirming he has been listening and paying attention to you.  He’s interested and wants to learn about what makes you happy.  With all the information we take in on a daily basis, it can be tough to keep track of all the details from each acquaintance.  But if this guy remembers the name of your childhood imaginary friend, he is invested in you!

Maybe he isn’t always going to say yes, but you can handle it.  Rejection is fleeting, and it won’t make or break you if your fellow turns you down.  It’s actually good practice to step up and take the initiative, which can translate to different aspects of your life.  Keep in mind that asking a man out on a date does not imply that you are an insolent tart.  In fact, it sends a confident message that you know what you want and are able to ask for it.

Thanks eharmony for another great article.


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