Everyone (just about) got today off from work except me. My work place stinks! In my opinion, if post offices and banks are closed, so should just about every other small town business. Just wanted to share that with you all.
So I’ve made it half way through February. Not that I wasn’t going to make it… But February is half over, how about that? So let me give you a little update on how my New Month Resolutions are going:
1. Not step foot in Target for the WHOLE month – So far so good. Haven’t stepped foot in Target.
2. Lose 5 pounds. Last month I lost 6.4. So this is totally doable – Haven’t reached the 5 pounds yet. Don’t know if I will honestly. Have lost .6 pounds (do you plural .6?) But I’m still going to try to get to 5 for the month.
3. Take a day trip somewhere – Haven’t gone anywhere yet. But in a dream my family bought this outrageous 5 story house near the coast somewhere. It was fantastic! Still 2 weeks to go somewhere.
4. Not mope on the dreaded Valentine’s Day because I don’t have a Valentine – Trying to not mope. Trying to praise God for all that he has given me. My plan for today is to help my parents cater at Hilmar Covenant Church’s Valentine’s dinner. Then good to a friend’s for a chocolate party.
5. Take my mom out to lunch – Still time to fulfill this one. Mom and I did go run errands in Turlock today. Hallmark (for V-day card shopping for Mom) and Costco.
6. Heavily pursue finding a new job – Written “test” tomorrow afternoon with the City of Modesto for the position that I applied for and have already interviewed once with. An old friend just sent me a link for a company that is hiring, so I will be looking into and pursuing those also.
7. Actively seek God in my day to day life worshiping Him and bring Him glory – This is one of those things that I will always strive to succeed at. I will always feel I’m not reaching God’s expectations, but that is only the reason to seek harder. I have been challenged though the weekly Bible study that I am in and with Spiritual Formation Sunday mornings.
Update as of 2/14/07.
I love compliments just as much as anyone else. And I do my best to take them graciously. Over the course of the last year I have received more or less the same compliment from numerous people, some of whom I barely know and barely know me. It goes something like this, “Courtney, you have a kind, gentle heart. You are a very nurturing person and someday you will make a great mother. You know how to be stern but compassionate at the same time. You are always taking care of people and things, and you do it well.” How do I take that? Me, I see my life slipping away for that opportunity. Yea, sure, I’m only 26 almost 27. BUT! I’m no where near dating anyone right now. I’m no where near becoming someone’s mother. So, how do I accept those compliments? Well, I thank them of course, as tears well up in my eyes and I try not to show too much emotion towards my greatest fear.
I know all the self doubts that I have come from Satan. And with the help of God I can make it through the temptations to give in to the self doubts. But it still rips me up inside. My one desire in life, after following God with all my heart, is to be a wife and a mother. Maybe God is leading these people in my life to say those things to me as a way of reassuring me that yes, someday it will happen. I can only pray that that is true.
But you see, I had (still have) a plan. Married by 24, children by 27/28, then married/family life from that point on. And still, as I have passed those planned ages of having accomplished life marks, I mentally still plan. Well, if I met a guy tomorrow, we’ll date for a year or so, engaged for a year, married (now I’ll be pushing 30), well, can’t wait now too long for kids so instead of 4 years of just being married and enjoying ourselves having fun and traveling we’ll knock it down to 2. That’s the kind of dialog that goes on in my head.
I am a planner and an analyzer. Hence the problem, how do you accept a compliment about being a nurturing, gentle hearted great mother of the some days in the future…?
I’m not so good with the whole New Year’s Resolutions. Just like everyone else I end up breaking them 2 months into the year. That’s why I’ve decided that this year I’m going to have New Month Resolutions instead of New Year Resolutions. Little short term goals that are more attainable that year long goals. My NMR for February are (not in any particular order):
1. Not step foot in Target for the WHOLE month. I shop there way too much, a lot of times just because I’m bored. And I don’t walk out of there without buying something and spending at least $30, once or twice a week! It’s time to take a break and see if I come out ahead and not in the negative. Honestly, I can get the basics that I need at the grocery store.
2. Lose 5 pounds. Last month I lost 6.4. So this is totally doable.
3. Take a day trip somewhere. Monterey was January, maybe Sacramento or San Francisco for this month.
4. Not mope on the dreaded Valentine’s Day because I don’t have a Valentine. But rather rejoice because God has good things planned for my life and each new day is a day closer to meeting my future mate.
5. Take my mom out to lunch.
6. Heavily pursue finding a new job.
7. Actively seek God in my day to day life worshiping Him and bring Him glory.
What are some resolutions that others have?